Ash Ketchum and the trouble with romance
by Senshi of the Moon
Summary: That title sounds like something out of Babysitter's club. ; A parody about several things but focuses most on romance in fanfiction.


Disclaimer: Pokemon isn't mine. Digimon isn't mine either. Neither is sitcom laugh tracks and yaoi lemons. .  
  
Author's notes/warnings: This is a parody of many things, most mentioned in fanfiction though there are other elements to it as well. ^_^ This is supposed to be a little thing to laugh at, all in good fun. Some things I parody here are Ash's personality, the way Tracey is portrayed in fanfiction, Original trainers, AAML, and the thing I enjoy writing most, strange pairings. If striking humour at any of these things offend you, please do not read this.  
  
The forest was calm and peaceful. The Pidgeys chirped happily while the Butterfree and Beautifly flew about. There was a clear blue sky, the weather warm.  
  
Yep, it was calm and peaceful...until the screams echoed throughout the area.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Ash then ran circles around the place he and his friends were camping in.  
  
"Pika pi! Pikachu!" His pokemon then proceeded to electricute him.  
  
"Augh..."  
  
"Ash, chill out, will ya?" Brock sighed.  
  
"B-but..." The boy then looked at Brock, then at May and back to Brock. "Y- you two are in love!?"  
  
"Yeah! Isn't it great?" May then glomped onto her lover.  
  
"Wasn't it obvious? They kept making googly eyes at eachother and whisphering stuff too." Max pointed out.  
  
"I had no idea...." Ash looked away.  
  
"Do you ever?"  
  
"Not really...."  
  
"Anyway, Brock, I have to ask you something." May then took Brock's hands in hers. Her eyes grew big and tearry. "Will you marry me?"  
  
The pokemon master wannabe's mouth fell to the floor, his eyes bulged.  
  
"Oh, May, ofcourse....Ever since the first day I saw you...I've been so deeply in love with you...." Brock ran his fingers through her hair.  
  
"WHAT!? How the heck could that be? You never swooned over her like you did with other girls!!" Ash whined.  
  
Brock then hit his friend with an iron fan across the face. He then turned to his fiancee. "Let's make plans for the wedding."  
  
"Oh my love..."  
  
The two walked away holding hands.  
  
Max then shook Ash. "You okay?"  
  
He then stood up as though no pain had ever been inflicted on him. "I can't believe this is happening. I mean, don't you care your sister is going to get married...when she's just TEN?!"  
  
"Nahhh. Our mom married our dad when she was just nine."  
  
Ash then stepped away from the boy slowly.  
  
Later....  
  
"Oh well, Pikachu, the important thing is that I become a pokemon master. Who cares about other people's romance anyway." Ash spoke to his buddy.  
  
"Pika pika!" The mouse nodded in agreement.  
  
"Right!"  
  
"Pi pika pikachu!"  
  
"Huh?" Ash looked ahead and saw two figures skipping toward them.  
  
It was Gary and Tracey! They both had little pink and red hearts floating above their heads, their faces flushed.  
  
"Hi, Ashy!" Tracey said in an unusual flamboyant voice.  
  
"Uhm...Tracey?"  
  
"Look what I bagged, Ash! I caught a lovermon!" Gary said with a wink.  
  
"Lovermon? Isn't that more of a 'Digimon'-like thing than a 'Pokemon'-like one?" Asked Tracey.  
  
"Digi-what?"  
  
"Wait a second! Gary...you're GAY!? I mean, with Tracey...it's kinda obvious..." Ash then glanced at the artist.  
  
Tracey giggled at the comment.  
  
Ash continued, "But I never thought you...."  
  
"Er, well, I inexplicably became gay! It was as if...I was forced into it." Gary's voice trailed off.  
  
The three guys glanced at eachother while crickets chirped.  
  
"Anyway, the two of us are so happy. We are going to hump eachother's asses for the rest of our lives!" Tracey proclaimed with glee.  
  
"Uh...I didn't need to know that." Ash and Pikachu sweatdropped.  
  
Suddenly, Professor Oak jumped out of a bush. "TRACEY!"  
  
"Professor Oak!" The Pokemon watcher's face reddened.  
  
"I...I thought...we had a thh-ingggg!" The old man seemed to be drunk!  
  
"W-well...we don't! You treated me bad, Professor..."  
  
"Sh-shut up, boy!" Professor Oak then lifted his hand to slap Tracey.  
  
"Hey, Gramps! Stop that!" Gary said grabbing his grandfather's arm.  
  
Tracey cowered. Ash twitched.  
  
"I want meh man back..." Oak said, erupting with hiccups.  
  
"No! I won't let you! Run, Tracey! Get out of here!"  
  
"Gary, I...I want to be by your side always!" Tears flowed down his cheeks.  
  
"I know, Tracey...I know."  
  
Ash then decided it was time to bail and started to run away.  
  
"What the hell was that!?" was all Ash could think.  
  
He soon arrived at a nearby town. Trying to get frightening images of Gary x Tracey out of his mind, he decided to get drunk just like Professor Oak. He entered the town's small pub.  
  
"Gimme a vodka tonic." He ordered as he sat on a stool.  
  
"Kid, yer too young." The bartender said.  
  
"Oh man..." Ash groaned.  
  
He then glanced around the tavern, recognizing an old friend!  
  
"Wow! Richie!" Ash yelped but then accidently fell off his chair.  
  
An eerie laughter filled the room, even though only three people were present in there.  
  
"Hey Ash! Don't mind the laughter! It's the studio audience." Richie smiled, helping his pal up.  
  
Ash just lifted an eyebrow. "Anyway, how's it been, buddy?"  
  
"It's been great! I got a new girlfriend!"  
  
The boy from Pallet grimaced. "Girlfriend?"  
  
"Her name's Mary Sue..." Richie then gave a dreamy sigh.  
  
"Phew. I thought you'd be paired off with someone weird like Cassidy or even Professor Ivy!"  
  
"Who and who? Oh wait, here's Mary Sue! Hey, honey!!"  
  
A girl walked into the tavern. She was ten years old, 5"4, weighed 125 lbs, her astrological sign was Pisces, her favorite food was ramen with soy sauce. Her long blond hair cascaded down her back, her emerald eyes shone as if they were really gems. The young girl who could pass for a twenty year old super model wore a pink Old Navy shirt and low cut blue jeans plus possessed sterling silver hoop earrings on each ear.  
  
"Hi, darling!" Her voice was clear, beautiful to listen to.  
  
Ash was puzzled at this person. Why? Who couldn't figure it out. Though he did immediately like her, nonetheless!  
  
"Who is this?" Mary Sue asked.  
  
"This is Ash Ketchum, he's-"  
  
She cut him off, "I got a new pokemon! I was always blessed when it came to training! On my first day as a trainer, I woke up late but while my loser rivals got the basic starters, the professor gave me a Mew!"  
  
"A MEW!?" Ash couldn't believe his ears. Neither could Pikachu apparently.  
  
"Yep! Then I got Moltres, Zapdos, Articuno, MewTwo, Larvitar, Suicune, Celebi...and now I got MewThree!"  
  
"Mew...three...?"  
  
"Yep! It's sooooo cute and powerful!" The girl broke into a fit of giggles.  
  
"Isn't my wittle Mawy cyute?" Richie then rubbed his face against hers.  
  
"Richard, please!"  
  
"Ri-Richard?!?" Ash cried out.  
  
"Anyway, Bartender, vodka tonic!" Mary Sue demanded.  
  
"Coming right up, Miss Mary Sue!" The bartender shouted.  
  
"Wh-what? I asked for the same thing and I couldn't get it!"  
  
"I am just...special, I guess." Mary shrugged.  
  
Even more scared of Mary Sue than Gary humping Tracey, he dashed out of the bar.  
  
"How rude!" The blond girl huffed.  
  
"I know!" Richie shook his head.  
  
Ash ran through the forest, feeling confused. What was going on? Why did his friends have to pair up like this? And with such strange people!? Plus...how could Mary Sue get a Mew when he, the star of the show, couldn't!?  
  
The boy was so (melodramatically) frustrated at these events.  
  
He then stopped and realized there was only one person he felt he could turn to at a time like this.  
  
"Pikachu, we need to catch a blimp to........" Dramatic music played. ".....Cerulean City."  
  
Pikachu sensed something bad was going to happen.  
  
Ash caught the blimp, eagerly awaiting to get to his destination. It had been so long since he last saw Misty. He suddenly remembered her beautiful short red hair, lightly colored blue eyes, snow white skin and her breas...er.... intelligence!  
  
"Wait a sec. Where did that come from?" He inquired.  
  
Pikachu shrugged, not really getting it.  
  
Cerulean City was just as he has remembered it. The gym still stood tall, noticeable from where he stood.  
  
He jogged to the gym, an overwhelming excitement filling his tiny heart.  
  
Then he went up the stairs and entered. "MIIIIISSSSTTTTYYYYYY!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Like, why do you have to yell!?" Daisy grumbled.  
  
"Wh-where's Misty?"  
  
"Well, she's totally at the Cerulean City High Cotillion." Violet replied.  
  
"Cotillion? Is that a barbeque or something?" The clueless chump asked.  
  
"NO WAY! It's a formal ball!"  
  
"You mean a baseball game that's formal?"  
  
"Oh my gawd..." Lily couldn't believe this kid was so dense.  
  
"Let's get you ready, Ash!" Violet exclaimed.  
  
The three girls screamed "MAKE OVER TIME!"  
  
"AH!!!!!" The boy was then assaulted by the Waterflowers.  
  
Later, Ash appeared, his hair combed back into a ponytail and wearing an elegant tuxedo.  
  
"How cute!" Violet said.  
  
"Ash, you better go! Misty's waiting!" Daisy told him.  
  
"She is? But how did she know I was coming?"  
  
"Us girls just know these things. Now scram!"  
  
He then left, carrying a bouquet of roses with him. Where he got them? It was a mystery!  
  
At the CCHC, Misty stood in the middle of the ballroom. It seemed nobody else really wanted to dance and left her there all alone.  
  
"I hate being in highschool and nobody wants to date me..." Misty sighed sadly.  
  
Then the doors slammed open.  
  
Everyone gasped as they saw Ash walk in.  
  
"Ash!" Misty cried.  
  
The two then ran to one and other, the background became sparkly and colorful as they embraced.  
  
"I missed you so much."  
  
"So did I, Misty, my love."  
  
The two young lovers then waltzed all over the room, laughing at how happy they finally were with eachother.  
  
To Ash, reality hit him right as Misty was about to place her mouth on his.  
  
"WAIT A MINUTE!" Ash shouted, pushing her away.  
  
"Ash!!" The red head whimpered.  
  
"I...I don't even like dancing or kissing or romance! I just want to be a pokemon master! Sheesh, what was I thinking!?"  
  
"No, Ash! I want you to love me!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Misty...but I'm not ready to be anyone's boyfriend. Male or female, by the way. I mean, people become so wrapped up in romance and all this sappy dramatic relationship stuff that they lose sight of the more important things in life like catching a Weedle or eating good rice balls. So how about we forget all this love stuff and we go get some ice cream?" Ash finished with a grin.  
  
"NO!" Misty then slapped him.  
  
"OW!"  
  
"We are meant to be together! IT'S OUR DESTINY!!!!" And with that, Misty began to transform from lovely red head into a disfigured, horrifying monster.  
  
"ACK! What is that!?" Ash asked, pointing his pokedex at it.  
  
"There is no data, you dope. Not everything is a pokemon." The dex spoke.  
  
"Oh god!" He turned to run but was then grabbed by one of its tentacles. "HELP! HEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!"  
  
Soon a group of girls entered the CCHC!  
  
"Hey, help me!" The boy cried down to them.  
  
"Hello, Ash! We're FAT." They said in unison.  
  
"Well, only one of you is obese actually..." He replied.  
  
"No, idiot. It's an acronym for Fangirls Anonymous Terror."  
  
"That doesn't even make much sense!"  
  
"Anyway, we control the pokemon world with crappy romance fics and badly drawn fanart!"  
  
They each lifted up horribly drawn pictures, some of Ash and Misty kissing or hugging or getting married, some of Ash and May doing the same, even Ash and Snap were committing unspeakable acts!  
  
"AH!! MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!!!" He cried.  
  
"We shall make you marry pseudo-Misty now...and maybe later, you can marry May."  
  
"B-but May is with Brock..."  
  
"For now! Bwahahahahahaha!" They all cackled.  
  
"You FAT girls are pure evil!"  
  
"We sure are."  
  
Then the real Misty entered. "Staryu, Surf!"  
  
The star shot gallons of water at the evil fangirls and the monster, washing them away into who knows where.  
  
Ash fell after the tentacle lost its grip on him. "Augh..."  
  
"Are you okay, Ash?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for rescuing me." The boy said, sheepishly.  
  
"It was nothing. That's what friends are for, Ash." Misty replied.  
  
Ash got up and then hugged her.  
  
"Ash?!"  
  
"Oh, Misty, I'm glad this insanity is finally over. Hey, maybe we could get some ice cream!"  
  
"Actually, Ash, I was coming here with my date."  
  
To Ash's terror, Nastina came in.  
  
"Hello!" Nastina grinned.  
  
"The two of us are so happy!" Misty then kissed her girlfriend on the cheek.  
  
The boy then began to scream again.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"AH!" His eyes opened wide. He began to pant.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"I...I had this horrible nightmare....Ash and weird couples and monsters and fangirls and....creepy toothed old ladies....."  
  
"Awww, come here, sweetie."  
  
Falkner then held Bugsy close to him, trying to comfort him as best he could.  
  
End. 


End file.
